The Dark Side Of Cheating » Partner http://www.darksideofcheating.com Thu, 20 May 2010 01:19:09 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.1 en hourly 1 How To Recover From Infidelity http://www.darksideofcheating.com/2010/05/02/how-to-recover-from-infidelity/ http://www.darksideofcheating.com/2010/05/02/how-to-recover-from-infidelity/#comments Sun, 02 May 2010 23:13:39 +0000 admin http://www.darksideofcheating.com/?p=55 Discovering that your partner has been unfaithful could feel like a dagger in the heart. It might be the worst thing that has ever happened to you and thoughts of anger, resentment, hurt and inadequacy are normal. After the initial shock you will need to make a few decisions. The first decision involves whether you want to stay with your partner. If you do, you will have to help your partner find out how to recover from infidelity. Some suggestions can be found below.

The first step for the unfaithful partner is to stop the affair right away. This means that you can not call your mistress or male lover ever again. You have to cut off all contact for the sake not only your spouse, but also your lover and yourself. Keeping contact opens up the door to slipping back into the affair.

Your marriage will not be repaired the moment you break it off with your lover. You will have to give your spouse time to work through your infidelity and gain confidence in him or herself and trust you again.

Your spouse will keep tight reigns on you for a long time depending on how hurt they were, it may take years for them to regain your trust. You will have to earn their trust. Remember that trust is earned by continuously proving that you are in fact trustworthy. When you say something, you have to do it. You have to show that you can be trusted even when opportunities present themselves. This usually starts with you proving to yourself that you are trustworthy. You have to be open about your whereabouts, unfair as it might seem.

You need to be willing to discuss the affair openly with your spouse. You have to answer questions truthfully, taking care to be diplomatic about potentially explosive subjects. It may sound contradictory, but you know your spouse. Your wife does not want to know that your mistress has a sexier body than her and the truth is that you love your wife’s curves more as they carried the miracle of your children.

You have to allow your betrayed spouse to set the timetable for recovery and instead of being impatient; you have to work on yourself. Find out the reasons why you strayed; work out ways in which to avoid this from happening again. If you are 100% committed to your marriage and wish to remain faithful for life, you have to ways how to recover from infidelity for both yourself and your spouse. If you do not want to stop the affair, you should be fair and walk away from your spouse.

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]]> http://www.darksideofcheating.com/2010/05/02/how-to-recover-from-infidelity/feed/ 0 Get Over An Affair: You Really Can Do It http://www.darksideofcheating.com/2010/04/24/get-over-an-affair-you-really-can-do-it/ http://www.darksideofcheating.com/2010/04/24/get-over-an-affair-you-really-can-do-it/#comments Sun, 25 Apr 2010 00:43:32 +0000 admin http://www.darksideofcheating.com/?p=50 Has your spouse been cheating on you? When this happens, you can be left feeling completely devastated. It may feel like you will never be the same again but you really can get over an affair.

The first thing you have to realize is that you are not the one at fault. It is easy to blame yourself in situations like this. You may think of a million things you could have said or done differently to keep the affair from happening.

Maybe there are things you could have done to make the marriage a better one for both of you. However, that is still no excuse for an affair. There are many other actions that your spouse could have taken other than cheating on you.

The blame for that reaction is completely and totally on the person having the affair. Your spouse could have talked to you about the situation or suggested marriage counseling. Instead, he or she decided to have an affair.

That being said, everyone makes mistakes. You are the only one who can decide whether or not you are willing to be forgiving about this one. There are some people who are able to move on from this experience and continue their marriages. For others, this is not possible.

If you do decide that you want to try to stay together, it is a good idea to go to some kind of couples counseling. A counselor can help you to figure out exactly what happened and why. The counselor can also help you arrive at action items that you each need to be able to move on and be happy together.

For those couples that decide to stay together, it is very important to learn from the experience. It is just as important not to keep bringing it up later. When you decide that you want to move past the affair, then you really need to do so. It is not going to work if you keep making your partner wrong.

There are a lot of ways to get over an affair. The first thing you need to decide is if you can forgive your partner or not. If you cannot, then it is best to just walk away gracefully so that the bad feelings do not end up poisoning your life. If you think you can, then it is going to take hard work on both your parts to keep the relationship going.

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]]> http://www.darksideofcheating.com/2010/04/24/get-over-an-affair-you-really-can-do-it/feed/ 0 7 Types of Extramarital Affairs and What to Do About Them http://www.darksideofcheating.com/2009/10/01/7-types-of-extramarital-affairs-and-what-to-do-about-them/ http://www.darksideofcheating.com/2009/10/01/7-types-of-extramarital-affairs-and-what-to-do-about-them/#comments Fri, 02 Oct 2009 04:41:48 +0000 admin http://www.darksideofcheating.com/2009/10/01/7-types-of-extramarital-affairs-and-what-to-do-about-them/
Michael Porteous asked:


There are many types of extramarital affairs and no one is the same in how they pan out. There are however a similar enough theme to many affairs that we can classify them into a few different types. Using these broad definitions you can decide what is the driving for behind the affair and how to deal with it. So here are 7 common types of extramarital affairs to help you out with your relationship troubles.

1. My marriage made me do this! If your partner is blaming your marriage for his affair then obviously the marriage is the issue to look at. However it is a poor excuse to have an affair and blame the marriage for driving your partner to it. An affair is an easy way to get something they feel they cannot get within their marriage, it is an easy quick fix because they do not have the strength to fix whatever the problem is with the marriage. Depending on if you can forgive your partner for their indiscretion this at least is fixable however, if you want to rebuild your marriage you need to find the problems within the marriage and have the strength to confront them. If your partner is still not willing to try to solve these problems then the easy way out for them will always be there.

2. I just can’t say no! This is another coward’s way out, so weak they think they cannot refuse the sexual advances of another. If this is really true then you have to ask yourself if this person really is right for you, if they are this weak now can they ever change? Consider long and hard if this is the base reason for the affair as this is a psychological problem of your partner and has nothing to do with your marriage or yourself.

3. I just don’t WANT to say no! While it sounds similar to the previous type of affair this is actually better in some ways. If they did not want to say no it means they had a conscious choice and took it, this means they had to make a decision to go that far meaning there was still many reasons for them to say no but more reasons in their mind to say yes. If you can discover what made them make that fateful decision you can find the underlying problem and possibly save your relationship.

4. I am not in love any more! When your partner says this it can often mean they actually do not feel the excitement of being in love that you had at the beginning. All relationships lose that hot spark over time but they mature and become a different sort of love. Some people cannot make that transition however and feel if that first passion is not there consistently then the love is gone. This drives them into affairs for the excitement and thrill and what they feel is love. If they can learn to accept a new form of love you may be able to win them back if that is your wish and it may be a way to spark that first romance again as long as they realize the passion and excitement cannot last forever, if they cannot then more affairs will happen.

5. I did it to get revenge on my spouse! What did you do to deserve this treatment? An affair is a terrible way to punish your partner and is childish and immature to boot. However you can at least pinpoint the reason for the affair and can work to solve this issue. However if it is your partners habit to punish you for perceived wrongdoings you must ask yourself if this is the sort of person you wish to be with. Many people who make this decision do it on the spur of the moment however and can be remorseful about it. Those who do it as a calculated action should be avoided.

6. I needed to prove to myself I am still attractive! This is a major self esteem issue and is something that can be reversed if you can forgive them. This is the sign of a deeply unhappy person not at peace with themselves or their relationship. Sometimes it can be masked with a certain amount of ego and bravado but under it is usually a scared individual.

7. I just wanted to be close to someone! This is a sign of intimacy problems within your relationship. Whose fault this is does not matter at this point, they have erred by having an affair but this is a person looking for love and if you can still give it to them you can save your relationship. If you do give them all the love you can this may be a problem with them accepting your love for some reason.

While there may be more types of extramarital affairs these are some of the most common and if you can use this guide to pinpoint the type that your partner has committed you can make the right decision for your relationship!

Types Of Affairs

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