Affairs can hurt everyone around you, particularly if there are children involved. Most affairs end in heartache for all parties concerned. We all know that extra-marital affairs are wrong, but we still get involved in them.

Why do affairs happen? A mistress would often say that if her married lover was in a happy marriage and taken care of, he would not have strayed in the first place. That does make sense to a small degree, but the reality is that in happy marriages it is not always moonshine and roses and if opportunity presents itself during the more thorny periods, men are more likely to jump at it. Before they know it, they are caught up in the illicit excitement and find it hard to let go. Men are much more concerned about hurting a woman and therefore find it hard to break off an affair once their marriage is back on track.

Meanwhile, the mistress is all alone in her secret life. Generally, a woman in an affair with a married man cannot tell her friends about him. Her loyalty to her lover prevents her from going out to places where couples are invited and she ends up sitting alone at home, wondering what he is up to.

The man in turn is carrying on with life as usual, spending time with his wife and children. In many instances, the wife does not suspect anything awry. He knows that his mistress will jump at the opportunity to be there when he can manage to make time for her.

When an affair ends, the mistress is often left to pick up the pieces. Her friends never knew about the affair and therefore they cannot console her. Becoming reintegrated into her old life is not easy for the ‘other woman’ where everyone is part of a couple except her. If you are in an affair and you are hurting, you should find someone to speak to to help you find ways of coping with an affair.

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A sexless marriage can be a sign of infidelity, but you have to ask yourself why you aren’t having sex.  If it is because there is no emotional connection and physical attraction, then your partner can feel that, and may step outside the relationship for sex.

But if it’s to this point, you probably don’t care.  So if you’re in a sexless marriage because your spouse just doesn’t want to be with you, then you definitely have cause for worry.

Keep in mind that most of the time, people don’t step outside the relationship for sex.  Women in particular, step outside the relationship to find some emotional connection.  Men are more prone to stray just for sex, making one night stands more probable.

How can you cure your sexless marriage?  Well, by having more sex, of course.  Through the course of being married, we often fall into an apathetic way of life.  We no longer feel like we have to impress our significant other, so we stop trying to.  We let ourselves go, and expect that things are alright.

But we should still try and please our spouse.  We should keep up our appearance.  Not only will they be more likely to show us off and get excited about us, but it will no doubt make you feel good about yourself again, and confidence and self-esteem can go a long way in a relationship.

Remember when you were dating?  Try and act like that.  Relationships are a lot of work to keep going, and you need to do the things you did when you were young to keep them alive.  I know it gets harder, but with proper communication, you can share your feelings with your partner and get the help you need from them.

A sexless marriage can be the start of an affair.  So figure out why you’re not having sex, and do something about it!

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