A sexless marriage can be a sign of infidelity, but you have to ask yourself why you aren’t having sex.  If it is because there is no emotional connection and physical attraction, then your partner can feel that, and may step outside the relationship for sex.

But if it’s to this point, you probably don’t care.  So if you’re in a sexless marriage because your spouse just doesn’t want to be with you, then you definitely have cause for worry.

Keep in mind that most of the time, people don’t step outside the relationship for sex.  Women in particular, step outside the relationship to find some emotional connection.  Men are more prone to stray just for sex, making one night stands more probable.

How can you cure your sexless marriage?  Well, by having more sex, of course.  Through the course of being married, we often fall into an apathetic way of life.  We no longer feel like we have to impress our significant other, so we stop trying to.  We let ourselves go, and expect that things are alright.

But we should still try and please our spouse.  We should keep up our appearance.  Not only will they be more likely to show us off and get excited about us, but it will no doubt make you feel good about yourself again, and confidence and self-esteem can go a long way in a relationship.

Remember when you were dating?  Try and act like that.  Relationships are a lot of work to keep going, and you need to do the things you did when you were young to keep them alive.  I know it gets harder, but with proper communication, you can share your feelings with your partner and get the help you need from them.

A sexless marriage can be the start of an affair.  So figure out why you’re not having sex, and do something about it!

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1.    Call for help. The spouse may say things like, “this isn’t working” or “I’m not happy.” As a couple, you have to stay cognizant of each other’s needs and pick up on signs of distress. If he or she is stating that the relationship no longer makes him or her happy, take it seriously.

Suggest marital counseling. Tell your partner that you’re worried about his/her happiness and want the relationship to work. Make sure your partner knows that you are invested in the relationship and will make an effort to work through the problems.

2.    Boredom. Does you spouse seem bored with the relationship, your children, his job, and his friends? Does he stop doing things that used to make him happy such as playing poker with the guys on Saturday nights? Does your spouse seem indifferent with holidays and special events that excited him in the past?

Let your spouse know that you are aware of the changes. Try to communicate and get to the bottom of the issue. Suggest things that you can do together as a couple to spice up your lives.

3.    Change in Appearance. If your husband unexpectedly starts wearing cologne or your wife suddenly goes from wearing sweat pants to dresses each day, ask some questions. This is a sign that things are changing for your partner even if they aren’t cheating. Find out why they’re paying more attention to their appearance.

4.    Intimacy is non-existent. Did the two of you used to spend Friday nights having romantic dinners out and now you’re home alone watching re-runs of Friends? Did your spouse stop kissing you goodnight and cuddling you during scary movies?

The feeling of distance should send up a red flag immediately. Talk about the change. Use “I” sentences, so you don’t put you’re spouse on the defensive. Say something like, “I’ve felt things changing lately. I don’t feel as connected to you recently.” Remember that if your spouse is cheating, he or she may not respond like you wish. He or she may feel embarrassed, ashamed, or not ready to admit infidelity.

5.    Gifts. Does your spouse usually give you flowers and jewelry? Be skeptical if suddenly you start receiving these “guilt gifts,” especially if your spouse has been displaying other signs of infidelity.

Ask your spouse why he/she bought you expensive gifts? Be prepared for your spouse to say, “Can’t I just give you a gift without getting the third degree?” Sometimes these gifts are given to encourage the betrayed spouse to turn the other way. The gift says, “Here’s a diamond necklace. Now, don’t pay attention when I don’t come home until eleven.”

6.    Caught in a Web of Lies. Your spouse tells you that she has to stay at the office until eight for a meeting. You call the office to let her know that you’re going out with a friend for dinner. However, the secretary answers the phone and informs you that she left at three. When she comes home, she has an excuse ready.

Don’t ignore the obvious even though you want to believe that your spouse would never cheat on you. Tell your spouse that you know something is going on and you want to discuss why she lied. If she calls you crazy or paranoid, repeat the lie and ask for an explanation.

7.    Coworkers give you the cold shoulder. Is your husband’s secretary, who is usually warm and welcoming toward you, constantly short with you when you call? Did it seem like all of his coworkers were trying to avoid eye contact with you during the holiday party? They may be embarrassed and uncomfortable with the situation.

8.    Cheating in the past. Has your significant other cheated on other people or yourself in the past? This doesn’t necessarily mean that he/she will cheat in the future, but look out for your spouse to repeat the same patterns. When she cheated in the past did she get manicures every week and disappear for hours on the weekend without explanation? If this scenario occurs again, be suspicious.

Tell your partner that you’re worried, because this is the same behavior she portrayed when she was unfaithful in the past. Consider marriage counseling and get prepared in case your spouse is cheating again.

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