You must be committed to saving the marriage after you have committed adultery. Time and energy are going to be needed by you in great quantities. Hard work, courage and honesty are a given in this mammoth task.

The first step would be to apologize to your wife or husband. Whilst there is pain experienced by both parties, this step needs to be taken. Do not try to give excuses or to justify your actions, just say and mean that you are sorry. Even if your marriage was on rocky ground before the affair, take full responsibility for your actions.

Hear what your spouse is saying about how he or she feels. Be prepared for him or her to be full of rage, disgust, pain, frustration and other such emotions. You listen until your spouse has cried, spoken and fought out all the emotions and hurt. Vulnerable communication and sacrifice are two debts that you will be expected to pay unconditionally. Your emotions must be secondary to the offended spouses emotions.

Talk about the emotions and physicality of the affair. Your spouse wants and deserves to be answered. Explain the mechanics and why you did what you did. Satisfy him or her that this will never happen again. Strategize together about how this infidelity can be avoided in the future forever.

Make some lifestyle changes. There will be sanctions and boundaries that need to be set. Perhaps lunch, coffee or drinks with members of the opposite sex must become off limits. This will go a long way in assuring the offended spouse that the other spouse is serious about saving the marriage. Marriage counseling is mandatory.

Discuss these lifestyle changes with your spouse. Talk about how different your lifestyle is now that you have made these changes. Always reaffirming your committed to protecting the marriage at all costs.

Be prepared to wait a long time for your marriage to get back to what it should be. Your partner will watch you like a hawk for along time. Arriving home late after work and sudden plan changes are going to arouse suspicion. Overcoming infidelity is hard on both parties and you as the offender do not have too much credibility.

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Men are visual characters and when they see temptation, their mind and heart will visualize fantasies. Women are emotional and therefore connect first on an emotional level. The emotional bonding leads to an adulterous extra-marital affair.

The excitement about an affair may cause resentment towards your spouse and their shortcomings. At this point, you are becoming dangerously close to damaging your marriage. You need to confront the threat head on immediately.

The first step in the process of breaking free from an affair is to set boundaries. You need to become cautious of temptation and put a relational distance between yourself and the object of your desires. Resist long gazes, do not meet in private settings and avoid touching them physically. Conversation needs to be kept general.

A strong marriage may go a long way to guarding your heart against intrusions. There is a variety of things that you can do to strengthen your marriage:

1. Communication ensures that couples do not become disconnected.

2. Forgive your partner for any past offenses and do not harbor resentment. Open your heart to your spouse completely.

3. Be sure to know your spouse’s needs by asking what they need from you. Do little things to make your spouse feel special.

5. Stay focused on your marriage and be aware of distractions.

6. Share good times with your spouse. Sharing good times creates good memories and leaves a couple feeling good about one another.

7. See the good in your partner. You have been with your spouse for a number of years. You know your spouse and loved them for a long time. Why mess that up for someone you hardly know? Remind yourself of the reasons why you loved them.

Putting the above steps into practice will help you to break free from the affair before it starts.

You need to choose love

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The first step for the unfaithful partner is to stop the affair right away. This means that you can not call your mistress or male lover ever again. You have to cut off all contact for the sake not only your spouse, but also your lover and yourself. Keeping contact opens up the door to slipping back into the affair.

Your marriage will not be repaired the moment you break it off with your lover. You will have to give your spouse time to work through your infidelity and gain confidence in him or herself and trust you again.

Your spouse will keep tight reigns on you for a long time depending on how hurt they were, it may take years for them to regain your trust. You will have to earn their trust. Remember that trust is earned by continuously proving that you are in fact trustworthy. When you say something, you have to do it. You have to show that you can be trusted even when opportunities present themselves. This usually starts with you proving to yourself that you are trustworthy. You have to be open about your whereabouts, unfair as it might seem.

You need to be willing to discuss the affair openly with your spouse. You have to answer questions truthfully, taking care to be diplomatic about potentially explosive subjects. It may sound contradictory, but you know your spouse. Your wife does not want to know that your mistress has a sexier body than her and the truth is that you love your wife’s curves more as they carried the miracle of your children.

You have to allow your betrayed spouse to set the timetable for recovery and instead of being impatient; you have to work on yourself. Find out the reasons why you strayed; work out ways in which to avoid this from happening again. If you are 100% committed to your marriage and wish to remain faithful for life, you have to ways how to recover from infidelity for both yourself and your spouse. If you do not want to stop the affair, you should be fair and walk away from your spouse.

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